everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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