How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
This show inspires me to have sex in space
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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