if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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