I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
