he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
