Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
