Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
