We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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