So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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