I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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