They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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