If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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