please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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