This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Randomize
