Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
you're hired as official boob wrangler
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Randomize
