She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Randomize
