drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
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