it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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