Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
