walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
