This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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