I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
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Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
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we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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