somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
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