Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
