I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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