If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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