There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
