He is an equal opportunity slut.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
