I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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