my sisters under your porch take her home
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
