Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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