all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
