apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
My pussy is not your playground.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
