i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
