taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
