my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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