It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
