the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Randomize
