i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
