What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
