It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
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