take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
