That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
