Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
