wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
