Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
The best revenge is premature balding
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
