I am in a vortex of obligation.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
