There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
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