I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
