So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Randomize
