I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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