I saw his package. It spoke to me.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Dicks are not precious.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize