thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize