doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
