FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
