if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
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