I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize
