Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
