i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
