I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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