How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
