So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
