dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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