Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
where are you?
Hypothermia
ttyl tear gas
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
