I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
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