Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
